Empathy: The Sixth Sense of Coaching
Recently on twitter and social media, a quote popped up in my feed.
Image of Twitter quote from coach Matt Lisle reading “Empathy is the most underrated skill in coaching.”
My first thought? He’s SO right! Second thought… who the heck is Matt Lisle?
Little known to me, Lisle is a force to be reckoned with in the world of baseball coaching. Holding more than two decades of coaching experience at the collegiate and professional level, he is responsible for several unprecedented turnarounds with the teams he has been a part of and some of the highest ranked season finishes. He has also built a strong following online and has served as a hitting consultant for several major league players and teams. I think we can say he has his credentials lined up pretty well!
So, back to his quote about empathy.
First off, what is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is not, however, sympathy which has to do more with your own perspective and less about swimming a mile in the other person’s cap and goggles … see what I did there ;)
The most important piece of all this is the why. Why is empathy so important? If, as coaches, you can be empathetic towards your athletes by working to understand their feelings and frustrations, you will move towards a deeper connection and trusting bond. Now THIS is where BIG TIME things happen!
Let’s break it down here…
Coaches in the artistic swimming world spend a lot of time instructing new skills but spend even more time correcting bad habits. In a world where ‘perfect’ is the benchmark, making sure every toe and fingernail lines up is the goal, right?
That being said, to break a bad habit (perhaps … having a foot up in a helicopter, or a knee rolled out in a crane position, or not unrolling far enough on a barracuda… any of these sound familiar?), you must be ready and willing to make some changes to overcome the battle. Let’s be honest, some of these corrections are definitely harder than others. I know for me personally as an athlete, I was attempting to bring my shoulders into the vertical line in my vertical position for about a decade. Yep, 10 years, at least! Because the battle of bad habits can be long-lasting and repetitive, there can be many physical and emotional hurdles you have to overcome in order to work towards these adjustments. A coach who has the ability to empathize with the feelings of the athlete provides a stronger support system than one who doesn’t. The ability to understand what it’s like allows the athlete to help push through the tough spots. Research actually shows empathy to be an essential factor in coaching effectiveness, and not only ‘promotes a positive working alliance’ but also helps ‘facilitate self-change.’ (Watson et al., 2013).
So how do we show empathy as coaches?
Here are some pointers:
LISTEN:
Allow yourself space and time to listen to your athletes. This may mean exiting the pool or finding a quieter spot and allowing them to debrief in a safe space. If this is not the culture of your current club, it may take a few minutes of awkward silence before any of the athletes speak, but once you create this safe space and time and listen with your ears and your heart, it sends a message that they have support and do not need to go through whatever they are going through alone.
BODY LANGUAGE:
As you listen, observe the tone of voice of the athletes, their body movements, etc., so you can understand the seriousness of their concerns. Don’t ever interrupt. Listen and observe. When you listen and observe, trust is being unconsciously developed and earned. It shows you care.
OPEN MIND CONCEPT:
This is not about expectations. Empathy is crucial to helping your athletes work cohesively with you to achieve their goals and is creates a process. In this process, expectations harm the development of trust and credibility that empathy and an open mind can foster. The purpose of this activity is to connect with your athletes. The input should lead you to improved understanding of their feelings.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES:
Empathy can be an opportunity for you to tell your athlete about a personal experience you had in a similar situation. The athlete will see how you solved the problem in your past and it will inspire them to do the same. Personal, empathetic experience is great because it is true feeling and emotion that can assist an athlete and not something that is conjured up out of thin air.
DELIVERY:
The tone of your voice plays an important role when giving this type of feedback to your athletes. A soft, firm, and confident voice promotes support, security, and inspiration.
As you gear up for the competitive season and start correcting all those finger and toe nails into position, remember that empathetic responses to your athletes will go a long way in developing long-lasting, beneficial, trusting relationships that will serve the whole team, in and out of the pool.
Sources:
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-021-02430-y
https://www.stack.com/a/coaches-use-the-power-of-empathy-to-inspire/
https://www.thecoachingroom.com.au/blog/the-skill-of-empathy-in-coaching
https://hbr.org/2015/02/how-great-coaches-ask-listen-and-empathize